Leaping...

I knew that someday I wanted to write about my experience of leaping in faith - to share with others the joy of faithful living, of following one's call no matter the cost.  It made sense to wait until I had landed and could share the good news of a successful leap.  My plan was to take the risk, to trust in God and to then offer my story as one of encouragement to others looking for support in making their own leaps.

But, instead, I'm launching this blog on perhaps the darkest day of my life to date.  I have taken the leap, my landing pad is nowhere in sight, my parachute won't open and it's starting to rain.  I am scared out of my mind.  To bring you quickly up to date - I resigned my position with a church group a few months ago (I won't go into the details of that decision except to say that my soul was withering away and I had played my last card - I saw no other choice but to leave in order to live my faith as I believe I am called to do.)  We live in a parsonage, so this decision meant giving up our family's only paycheck, our health insurance, and our home.  Not an easy choice, but, as I said, I felt compelled by the Spirit to shake the dust off my feet and move on. We are currently living on a loan from my retirement account which will run out in another couple of months.  The plan is to move back north to live with my mother for the time being.  

My prayer as I leapt was that God would give us the courage and strength to hang on until the next pathway opened.  That remains my prayer as the pathway remains shrouded and the pressure mounts.  We are trying to sell our worldly possessions and be out of this house by the end of January.  To prepare for the transition, our daughter has left her school to be homeschooled for the rest of this year, until we know for sure where we'll settle next.  I'm desperately seeking affordable health insurance, and trying to hold my marriage together.  This move is not at all convenient or attractive for my husband who is a musician and has some momentum going in the area where we live.  To move seven hours away to live with my mother was not part of his plan.  Not surprisingly, our relationship is feeling the strain.  And, did I mention that we're heavily in debt?

So, why in God's name would I begin a blog on taking a leap of faith from such a horribly discouraging place?  Two reasons:  1) if this "sermon" about leaping is going to be true, it just needs to be true.  Nobody gains courage by reading about easy choices with easy answers - but by witnessing hardship endured until the light returns; 2) by writing, I hope to keep some part of myself focused and attuned to the spiritual hope behind the mess that we're in.   You are my witnesses, and your presence will hold me to the path.  And when I arrive (see? my faith - though stretched - remains...), I pray that we will all have witnessed God's power and loving grace.